I know why the MADE kids cry...

I'm a big fan of the show MADE on mTV. I love seeing the random goals that these kids make, meeting their coach, watching as they realize things aren't as easy as it seems and then the moment they think "i can do this!" One thing that always annoyed me was the cry babies, the ones who threaten to quit, throw tantrums, and get their coaches so mad that they themselves want to just throw in the towel. I sit there and think "just suck it up!" b/c they have this oppurtunity that so many poeple in the world will never have, to live their dreams and have someone show them how...but i know now why the MADE kids cry...

Yesterday, i did my first ever PT workout. This stands for pain threshold. I saw this workout on my calendar and i looked at the set up. Intervals of varying levels of watts, increasing along with the gear ratios. Must do 2 sets to fail. Intimidating? Yes. Unreachable? No. After work, i made sure i was ready...powerbar, water + mix, bike set up on the trainer, ipod, fan was on and of course, gum. My first interval consisted of a gearing of 53/19 and a watt of 150. Easy...next interval...easy. Only 8 more to go in this set. Slowly, the minutes ticked by, the gears went lower, the watts and rpms went higher. What the hell, i'm only on interval 3? I struggled through a few more intervals, only able to make it thru 7. On my data sheet, i have FAIL written next to the 300 53/15 level. I didn't feel like i had literally failed, but i couldn't hold it, i was done with that set. just one more to go. A cooldown and a warmup b4 my next set, i kept pedaling.

Checking with the powertap, i see that i'm just about to start my warmup. While changing the gears, i grab my data sheet, read the numbers for the upcoming intervals and i just thought "i really don't want to do this again"...but kept pedaling. during the rest of the next 10 mins, my attitude changed...i got a little choked up...i could feel tears...why this is so freakin hard?! What is wrong with me?! There's no crying in cycling. But at that moment, i felt like i couldn't do it. I wanted my numbers to be so much better, i wanted to pedal faster, to take on more but with each attempt at the intervals, that will was decreasing. Very rarely have I felt like its so hard that i just want to stop, a difference here was there wasn't anyone around to push me like when i ride with my club or head to the gym. Yesterday was definitely the worst. The connection then dawned on me and i told myself what i yell at the TV...SUCK IT UP. You want this, you signed up for this, you brought this on yourself so quit the whining (my dog then looked at me like i had gone mental...which i probably had). Second set had larger increases in watts, so i only got through 5 of them, but ended up at the same gearing as the 1st. After that, i kind of just sat on the couch and starred at the wall. Yes, i do know why the made kids cry...